“God is great, beer is good, and people are crazy”

For everyone who missed my entry on Facebook, this happened to me after school a couple weeks ago right before I left for Poland (Note: all of this took place in Ukrainian);

Walking home from school this morning, a nice Ukrainian man stopped me outside the gates of the local polyclinic to tell me that I look like Anastasia, the Russian pop singer.  After discovering I was American, he said he had a very important message that I need to pass to Hillary Clinton.  Let me give you some highlights;

1. The world is ending – mountains will become higher, the polar ice caps will melt, but before all that the climate zones will switch – snow will fall in Africa and Ukraine will be warm (unlike the current hailing conditions he kept me standing outside in for an hour).
2. He wants to reach out to Hillary Clinton specifically because he thinks she is a very intelligent woman and that her husband was clever, unlike his stupid successor (his words, not mine).  Parenthetically, Obama is a very nice man but a weak President.  He suggests choosing between Steven Seagal, Chuck Norris, and Arnold Schwarzenegger for president.
3. People born on days that have a 7 in the number have good souls.
4. Aliens from another planet, who are apparently our cousins, came to him in a dream and told him about the end of the world.  If they come visit you, don’t be alarmed, they look like us, but are shoulder height with black hair, black eyes, and outfits like astronauts.
5. “Our cousins” will bring their planet close to earth and join their planet with ours through a teleportation channel in an attempt to save us.  We will be brought through this channel on a boat.  Sarah Michelle Geller will be lost at this time, and despite search and rescue efforts, will be cut off from the channel and unable to cross.  He was very sad about this.
6. Keanu Reeves must not take any bad film roles.
7. Though the polar ice caps will melt, we will not suffer massive flooding as our cousins will take the water to their planet since they have none of their own.
8. Something about Colorado.  Sorry, Colorado, but it sounded like you were pretty much doomed.
9. Osama Bin Ladan changed his face through plastic surgery, which is why we cannot find him.  He is, however, still out there, and this man would know him instantly despite the face change should he ever come face to face with the terrorist.
10. He can be trusted because he foretold the Twin Towers terrorist attack, the war in Iraq, and knew about my past that I had to work for my own money to support myself starting at the age of 15 (which happens to be incorrect).
11. The US economy will continue to plummet (wooonderful)

He also wanted me to personally know (after reading my palm);

1. I will have a very long life…
2. …despite an onset of heart problems around age 30 (due to nerves)
3. …and it will be filled with hardship
4. …starting with the need to earn my own money from the age of 15.
5. I will work long and hard, but not make that much money.
6. I will have 2 maybe 3 children
7. maybe 3 because I apparently might abort the last one. (oy)
8. I will have three loves in my life, two of which will be bad men
9. …the last love will be the best, but we will live apart.
10. I am very intelligent.
11. He would marry me tomorrow, but he thinks the distance between here and Ukraine might be difficult to handle.

All of this needs to be passed through me because he tried to get ahold of Hillary earlier through telecommunication, but he’s not sure if the message got passed along.  Also, he wants me to inform all my loved ones back home that, for the end of the world, you will need to stock up on products for sustenance as well as gold…which you will use to purchase bread.

*Music: “People Are Crazy” -Billy Currington